higher feeling, hal theory
Feb. 15th, 2026 06:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
comix64im a little more proud of what ive come to consider not my philosphy or my mental go-about-ism or whatever, not exactly my thought, but some sort of thinking level thats very hard to reach unless you're deep in thought while externally seeming to take a nap, or via help of some other mind, usually that which has written a thought-provoking book, or has otherwise shared with you a Wisdoms, whether it be, like, a direct thought broadcast from one to other, or them just giving you stuff and you snap into a new idea with them like it were a puzzle. my main point is that i read that there is a sort of internal v external self idea in infinite jest that hal goes thru, where he starts as this intellectual giant for being so young and yet has no actual thoughts to broadcast, but can articulate really well nothing in particular, and then comes to uncover his self and but is silenced by DMZ before he can broadcast his genuine real opinions and thoughts. he starts as a complex emptiness, and then an empty complexion. he starts with a big book of nothing and then he ends with many things to write about as he has his pen stricken from him. or so the theory went.
i felt sort of liberated from the honed-in mental state i was in. where all i thought about was being bored, and buying a CD, and typing in the URLs of pretty much every posting site i knew of to alleviate the boredom. except dreamwidth, i notice... dreamwidth has some nice effect on me where i going to it has this sort of more thoughtful state on me. i cant write to justice my thoughts, and i cant write as well as the things i read on others' thoughts, but so far im content with that.
also, on reading forums or whatever on peoples thoughts and concepts on infinite jest, i feel like reading peoples summaries and thoughts on a work has an entirely different tone and feel to the original work, by itself. a fandom and a work are completely different.
and on that other idea i may or may not have conveyed in an understandable manner, i feel like having a lot of thoughts (and, by extension, being smart, whether it be genuine or felt) is sort of like a drug to me. ive never done anything like that, but sometimes i read something (usually a short post on something, not a work of literature) and i look outside and it's all just a little different, better to me. as of writing it's worn off a little i feel but i still wanted to reflect on it, since when in this state i tend away from writing and being on my computer specifically. i attain this idea of "appreciate life", "missing out" (only a little, not an urgent kind of idea), and other kind of vague "go see life, and all the intricacies, and such" (though, i will say, when in this state i think more about the big picture than intricacies). its sort of hard to describe, especially now that i dont really feel it. its not motivating enough to make me dash out the door, usually, though i tend to want to do that, but its that kind of motivation. like scrooge on christmas eve, but about a kind of ignorance wherein one never knew their eyes were closed rather than hate.
i felt sort of liberated from the honed-in mental state i was in. where all i thought about was being bored, and buying a CD, and typing in the URLs of pretty much every posting site i knew of to alleviate the boredom. except dreamwidth, i notice... dreamwidth has some nice effect on me where i going to it has this sort of more thoughtful state on me. i cant write to justice my thoughts, and i cant write as well as the things i read on others' thoughts, but so far im content with that.
also, on reading forums or whatever on peoples thoughts and concepts on infinite jest, i feel like reading peoples summaries and thoughts on a work has an entirely different tone and feel to the original work, by itself. a fandom and a work are completely different.
and on that other idea i may or may not have conveyed in an understandable manner, i feel like having a lot of thoughts (and, by extension, being smart, whether it be genuine or felt) is sort of like a drug to me. ive never done anything like that, but sometimes i read something (usually a short post on something, not a work of literature) and i look outside and it's all just a little different, better to me. as of writing it's worn off a little i feel but i still wanted to reflect on it, since when in this state i tend away from writing and being on my computer specifically. i attain this idea of "appreciate life", "missing out" (only a little, not an urgent kind of idea), and other kind of vague "go see life, and all the intricacies, and such" (though, i will say, when in this state i think more about the big picture than intricacies). its sort of hard to describe, especially now that i dont really feel it. its not motivating enough to make me dash out the door, usually, though i tend to want to do that, but its that kind of motivation. like scrooge on christmas eve, but about a kind of ignorance wherein one never knew their eyes were closed rather than hate.
